Zandria's Blog

Hope

zandypants — Wed, 20 May 2009 20:49:09 +0000

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

-Revelations 21:3-4

Dead

zandypants — Mon, 18 May 2009 21:33:09 +0000

I wanted to spend the night at Maegan’s house last night so I could get a much needed night of sleep. An hour after I put my head on the pillow my mom called and told me I should get home. Two hours later (at 3:30 am) my dad died.

I watched it all happen. I held his grey, lifeless hand. I saw and heard him gasping for air. At first he was breathing very heavy, then there were long pauses between his shallow breaths and then there were no more. It was almost as if I watched my dad suffocate. The nurses say he died without pain, but I have a hard time believing that.

My dad got the closure he desperately craved. His entire family was there. God’s timing could not have been better. My uncle, a man whose dad was shot twice in the face almost a year ago, looked at me with the saddest eyes and said “Another tragedy. It’s all most as if we can’t take anymore. But I got my dad for fifty some years…” I got my dad for twenty-two years. I wouldn’t trade those years for anything in the world.

I don’t know what else to say. I am still in need of your prayers. Thank you for grieving with me. You cannot imagine what that means to me. I love you. Thank you.

Dad and ME

zandypants — Fri, 15 May 2009 17:07:10 +0000

this is dad and me last year. At this point he had completed his chemo and radiation therapy. Now he looks like a completely different person.

The lines have fallen in pleasant places

zandypants — Fri, 15 May 2009 05:07:20 +0000

My grandpa was murdered last summer so my dad never got closure with him. Now that dad is on his death bed he wants the opportunity to say good-bye to the rest of his family. Thus he is hanging on until his siblings and mom come on Friday. After he sees them, I think dad’s fight to live will be over. Based on his condition, we all think dad will go soon (1-2 weeks, maybe?).

Nothing compares to watching my dad die. Nothing. I am the one here everyday caring for his decaying body. His organs are rapidly failing. With tear-filled eyes I watch this poor man slowly fade away. The pain is real. Sometimes it is too deep to comprehend. And now…it’s all a waiting game.

Why? Why is this happening? I do not know. But here’s what I know (with tears I write this). I know that God will do anything to glorify Himself. I also know that He wants my joy to be full. I know that this will work out for good. I know that He loves me, He loves me, He loves me. Yes, He loves me. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I cannot be shaken because my circumstances do not define me. “Lord, I believe, help mine unbelief”.

“For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your present there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (psalm 16)

pray for dad. Shared the gospel with him today. He doesn’t have much time left.

New to the Blogosphere

zandypants — Wed, 13 May 2009 19:46:25 +0000

hello online world. The only reason I am starting this blog is to keep you all informed of what I am up to this summer. I hate blogging. I will probably forget this exists in about a week. But for now, I hope you enjoy it.

I do not want this to replace communicating with you. One of the reasons I hate to blog is because it is impersonal. I do not know who is reading and I do not know your response. So please know that your responses are always, always valued. Do not make this one-way communication.

I hope this blog serves you…here we go…